Be a Friend

I was a tomboy growing up. I was always trying to fit in with my brothers. I didn’t want to be stuck in the house playing dolls with my sister or sit and read like she liked to do. I wanted to be outside riding my bike, catching toads, playing with the animals or wading in the creek in the woods. I wanted to be one of the boys, but I wasn’t.  When my brothers banded together, they did everything they could to lose me. They would run faster, hop on their bikes and ride off, or join together in taunting me. “Skunk”, “Stick legs” “Ugly”. These words stung to the core even though I tried to act like they didn’t bother me. They stung more from the rejection rather than the insult intended. I wanted to be a part of the pack. I wanted to fit in. But I wasn’t one of them. I was a girl.

Today, as a grown woman, I still struggle with feeling like I don’t fit in. My friends would never call me names like my brothers used to, but they are still banding together, running faster than me or jumping on their bikes and riding off. I once again become that 12 year old girl with all my insecurities.  I long for companionship, for that really good “best friend” but that relationship eludes me.  I just want to be known, loved and accepted. I want someone to want to be my friend.  I am married and surrounded by family and friends, yet I feel alone.  But God reminds me that ”though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” Psalm 27:10.  “Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you understand my thoughts from afar.” Psalm 139: 1-2.  God is THAT friend.

I realize that I could become a better friend to those around me. Because of my insecurities, I hesitate to call and ask someone to come over for lunch, or meet me at a restaurant. Everyone is busy and I hate to be that one more thing they have to put on their schedules. I’m sure they have better things to do than meet with ME of all things.  But, what if my friends have the same insecurities that I do?  How do I know what to do?  The bible teaches us how to be friends.  In Romans 12: 10 it says “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”   If I want friends to include me, I need to include them.  “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. “ Luke 6:31 

 I started writing a blog to share with my friends what is going on in our lives.  We have lived in a few states and made some really good friends. Some we may never see face to face on earth again. Each time we move, I feel as if I will never have those close relationships again. So I’ve used this blog to journal my thoughts and my prayers too. I don’t have that close girlfriend to pour my heart out to, or share what God has just opened my eyes to, so my journaling has become those surrogate ears.

Whenever someone comments on one of my blog posts, they are always so encouraging. I am often surprised to find that 1. They read my blogs and 2. They are inspired or blessed by what I write.  If my 12 year old self would pay attention she would realize that being a friend, even when those earthly friendships aren’t pursuing me, I can still be a friend to other by allowing God to use me.

 Anyone can be an instrument in God's hands. It’s not for those special chosen few, or the really popular authors or TV evangelist.  We can all allow God to use us and bring us closer to those around us. We can serve God wherever He places us, inside or outside the walls of the church. If I am feeling like a 12 year old insecure child, how many others out there are feeling the same? What insecurity are you stuck in? Do you feel worthless? Rejected? Used? Are you stuck in the injury that makes you feel like you don’t deserve to be loved by anyone? Satan would love to keep you there.  He wins when we can’t look past those hurts and realize that God can use us where ever we are. We don’t have to be perfect.  Look at the men and women God used in the bible. Moses. couldn’t speak and was so insecure he begged God to let his brother speak for him. Jesus called Peter “satan”. Ester was a wallflower. King David was a murderer. And Abraham lied and doubted God. These are our biblical heroes. They were all flawed and had major insecurities, yet they all had one thing in common, they allowed God to use them.  The trick is to remember that in our search to be accepted in our friendships, we are not to ignore God’s promptings. Our friendships are ways to serve Him and others, and not to satisfy our wants, egos and desires as this distracts us from our relationship with God.  We’ve all heard that saying “A friend listens to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don’t say.”  God is that friend who listens and doesn’t answer until you’re ready to hear what He has to say – “In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation” – Psalm 5:3. Teach me to be a good friend Lord, to wait in expectation of what you have for me. I want to know you more so that others may know you through me.

"When we consider the blessings of God—the gifts that add beauty and joy to our lives, that enable us to keep going through stretches of boredom and even suffering—friendship is very near the top."  —Donald W. McCullough, Mastering Personal Growth