Do-Over


Ever have one of those days where you feel like everything you said or did needed a big “do-over”? 

I have found myself annoyed most days recently.  I’ve been annoyed with the dirty dishes, having to cook, my husband, but mostly annoyed with myself. I’ve been doing, or rather not doing,….much of anything, and that really annoys me.

What is the matter with me???  I have been blessed with the opportunity that most women are still dreaming about.  I am able to stay at home and figure out what it is I want to do, if anything, and just do it.  When I was in the corporate world, not that long ago, I was an organized, task list-making freak.  A friend and I would meet over the phone frequently each week to discuss and strategize our daily task lists and project "to do" list, then hold each other accountable to get them done.  We had Excel spreadsheet workbooks that, over the years, had tweaked to make it work for us and by golly, it did!  I would be away from home 11-12 hours a day, come home and get dinner on the table and still manage to get other things done before bedtime.

Since I’ve been home, almost a year now, she and I have rarely held each other accountable in anything except letting each other off the hook.  Both of our lives have changed and we are both trying to figure out how to make it work for us.

I had big plans for when I was finally home and able to do all those things I never had time to do. Things like; overhauling the basement, finally making my craft room exactly the way I want it, blogging several times a week, writing friends and my Compassion International child and working on a novel that I’m excited about. Along side those goals, I want to finally finish the many quilts I have started along with cataloging all my stamps and then keeping up with making cards to send to the people I care about. The latter would have total icing on the cake to be ahead of the game instead of sending late, or worse yet, no cards.

Instead, the only thing I have managed to accomplish is isolate my husband and make him feel frustrated, then sending myself into a bigger funk for not figuring out why I am acting like such a jerk. I mean COME ON!  How long do I give myself to figure this new way of life out?

Don’t think I sit on my duff EVERY day, I don’t. But way too often I find myself bored with watching TV all the while thinking I should be doing… ____  (fill in the blank). Yet I don’t get up, I just change the channel.  Can anyone else relate to this?  Then when I finally get some motivation, it's time to stop to make supper, then I get sidetracked on 1 to 6 things at one time and....

What was I saying?   Oh yeah, not getting things done...

I know better, and my momma would be disappointed in me if she were here to see me wasting my time.   So, I’m determined to snap out of it!  

Ohhhh, I just had visions of Cher in Moonstruck slapping Nicolas Cage


 So I am trying to get motivated and back on a task list.  I found The Fly Lady website and am going to go dig up my Excel spreadsheet workbook that my friend and I have both long neglected.  I even downloaded a few apps on my phone and iTouch so that I can carry it around with me to keep me motivated to do something....anything... just get me moving again.

I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'll keep you posted.   Now, I should get supper started. I just need to mail this envelope to a hostess........  "Squirrel!!"

Comments

  1. Squirrels run fast....beware!
    I'm proud of your resolve! Let me know if I can help you in anyway. You are amazing to me and I want you to feel amazing to you!
    Love you.

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    Replies
    1. By the time I head out to chase that squirrel I will find crumbs on the kitchen floor that needs cleaned up, then as I throw it away I'll notice the garbage can needs cleaned. On my way to the laundry room for cleaner I'll notice the bathroom could use a scrubbing..... another squirrel!!

      Delete
  2. I blame it on this time of year....really hard to get motivated when all I want to do is crawl under the quilt! Thanks for your sweet visit.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mindy - I can relate to this in a lot of ways, even though I don't have a husband and I have to work. My issue is that all the other things, like getting and keeping my house clean and uncluttered, staying on top of outside yard work when necessary and other projects.

    My Fibromyalgia has changed everything - causing me to make changes that irritate me and make me angry - Obviously, I have to work. Many people with Fibro can't and I know since He has given me the ability to work, that I need to and am thankful I can. That has meant that I have had to give up the need to stay on top of the housework and live in clutter and lack of dust control, clutter control, etc. It is sometimes overwhelming. But the fact of the matter is that I live alone and I don't have people over (I meet friends for dinner at the restuarant) - so I'm the only one that sees the mess.

    I think the most important thing I've learned these past many years of letting go of my desire/need to have a clutter-free/clean close - is that I've had to give up control of that aspect of life. That frustrates me and has made me angry.

    I certainly don't know all of your situation but I know you have been through hell and back physically. I think you need to give yourself a break, or at least cut yourself some slack, about the need to be so organized and on top of things - of the way you were "always" or before the cancer. I'm not saying you can't do it. I'm sure you can make changes that will help you get things you want to get things done - but I just wanted to offer the idea that you might need to relinquish the idea of needing to control all the tiny areas of your life.

    If chronic illness has taught me anything, it's that I'm not in control of what I can do anymore. But that I am so thankful for what I can do - and to focus on that. You are able to set beautiful tables. So what if you don't have a file folder labeled for everything? You can still inpisure people by the beauty of your tablescapes. That's a gift to focus on and be thankful for.

    Hang in there and be gentle on yourself. Life after major disease sometimes isn't and can't be what it once was. That will require a grieving process, but it's not all bad. It allows you to find deeper joy in what you are able to do, and praise the Lord for His blessing of healing and life. :)

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